Momentary Stolen Joy

This evening, the publisher called and said they had the first copy of Patina laying on their desk. I will have a copy in my hand in a week. I think I am in shock that this has actually occurred. I wrote a book. Some small part of me is waiting for some catastrophe to happen and me to never see this book. By the end of the evening, I had actually managed to become discouraged and depressed. I keep reminding myself that if the devil can't stop me, he will atleast try to steal my joy. This is how you know you are doing what you are called to do . . . attack. The funny thing is that you never totally grasp that in the moment. You just feel beat down. You feel like no one actually loves you and all your work is in vain. You feel empty. You keep asking yourself why people don't encourage you and you take the martyr's pose. Truth is, it doesn't matter. People are not meant to satisfy. God alone satisfies. It is hard to be this honest. I just told God I was feeling attacked and asked Him to satisfy the emptiness that resides within. I asked Him to encourage me. Now, I am poised to listen. I am poised for joy and celebration. I wrote a book. I am still in awe.

Speak to me, Lord God. Thank you for allowing me to do something that you placed in my heart years ago and I never thought I could do. Thank you that you teach, lead, encourage, and love with a steadiness that rivals all. I love you and I throw off everything that hinders me from basking in your unspeakable joy.